What is Anxiety: Signs of Anxiety and How to Cope
Your heart is pounding, but you're just sitting at your desk. Your mind is spinning through worst-case scenarios about a conversation that went perfectly fine. You're exhausted from a day of doing nothing because the anxiety made everything feel impossible. You're googling symptoms at 2 AM, convinced something terrible is wrong with you, even though you've been to the doctor multiple times and everything checks out fine.
If this sounds familiar, you're not alone. Anxiety affects over 40 million adults in the United States, but those numbers don't capture the daily reality of what it's like to live with a mind that won't stop generating worry, a body that feels constantly on edge, and the exhaustion that comes from your nervous system being in a perpetual state of alert.
Here's what I want you to know: anxiety isn't a character flaw. It's not a sign that you're weak, dramatic, or incapable of handling life. Anxiety is your nervous system trying to protect you, but it's working with outdated information and overreacting to threats that aren't actually dangerous.
You deserve to understand what's happening in your brain and body. You deserve strategies that actually work, not just "take deep breaths and think positive thoughts." And you deserve to know that with the right support and tools, you can learn to work with your anxiety rather than being controlled by it.
Types of Anxiety Disorders: More Than Just Worry
Anxiety isn't just worrying a lot or feeling stressed sometimes. It's a complex experience that affects your thoughts, emotions, physical sensations, and behavior. When people say "everyone gets anxious sometimes," they're usually talking about situational worry - feeling nervous before a job interview or concerned about a loved one who's running late.
Clinical anxiety is different. It's when your brain's alarm system becomes hypersensitive and starts going off in response to situations that aren't actually dangerous. It's when the volume on your worry gets turned up so high that it drowns out your ability to think clearly, enjoy life, or feel safe in your own body.
Types of Anxiety That People Experience
Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD): Persistent worry about multiple areas of life - work, relationships, health, finances, family - often accompanied by physical symptoms like muscle tension and fatigue.
Social Anxiety: Intense fear of judgment or embarrassment in social situations, often leading to avoidance of social events, work presentations, or even everyday interactions.
Panic Disorder: Recurring panic attacks - sudden, intense episodes of fear accompanied by physical symptoms that can feel like a heart attack or like you're dying.
Health Anxiety: Persistent worry about having or developing serious illness, often involving frequent medical appointments and internet searches about symptoms.
Performance Anxiety: Fear of not performing well in specific situations like work presentations, exams, or social events.
Existential Anxiety: Worry about bigger life questions - purpose, meaning, mortality, the state of the world - that can feel overwhelming and paralyzing.
The thing about anxiety is that it rarely stays in neat categories. Many people experience a combination of different types, and anxiety has a way of spreading from one area of life to others.
What Causes Anxiety: Why Your Brain Gets Stuck in Worry Mode
Understanding why you have anxiety can be incredibly validating. It's not random, and it's not your fault. Anxiety typically develops from a combination of factors:
Biological and Genetic Factors
Brain chemistry: Anxiety involves imbalances in neurotransmitters like serotonin, GABA, and norepinephrine. This isn't something you caused or can simply "think your way out of."
Genetics: Anxiety runs in families. If you have relatives with anxiety, depression, or other mental health conditions, you may be more predisposed to developing anxiety yourself.
Medical conditions: Thyroid disorders, heart conditions, hormone imbalances, and other medical issues can trigger or worsen anxiety symptoms.
Life Experiences and Trauma
Childhood experiences: Growing up in an environment where you didn't feel safe, secure, or emotionally supported can prime your nervous system for anxiety. This includes obvious trauma like abuse, but also subtler experiences like having anxious parents, being criticized frequently, or feeling like love was conditional on your performance.
Major life changes: Even positive changes like moving, starting a new job, getting married, or having children can trigger anxiety because they disrupt your sense of predictability and control.
Chronic stress: Ongoing stress from work, relationships, financial pressure, or health issues can keep your nervous system activated and make you more vulnerable to anxiety.
Traumatic events: Car accidents, medical emergencies, loss of loved ones, or other overwhelming experiences can leave your nervous system hypervigilant and reactive.
Personality and Thinking Patterns
Perfectionism: If you have impossibly high standards for yourself and catastrophize when things don't go perfectly, you're more likely to experience anxiety.
Need for control: Anxiety often develops in people who feel safe only when they can predict and control outcomes. When life feels uncertain (which it often does), anxiety skyrockets.
Sensitivity: Some people are naturally more sensitive to stimulation, emotions, and their environment. This sensitivity can be a gift, but it can also make you more prone to feeling overwhelmed.
Modern Life Factors
Information overload: We're constantly bombarded with news, social media, and information about threats around the world. Our brains aren't designed to process this level of input about dangers we can't actually do anything about.
Social comparison: Social media creates constant opportunities to compare yourself to others, often leading to feelings of inadequacy and anxiety about your own life.
Lifestyle factors: Poor sleep, too much caffeine, lack of movement, isolation, and poor nutrition can all contribute to anxiety symptoms.
Anxiety Symptoms: How Anxiety Shows Up in Your Life
Anxiety isn't just mental - it affects your entire being. Recognizing these signs can help you understand what you're experiencing and know when to seek support.
Physical Symptoms of Anxiety
Cardiovascular: Racing heart, palpitations, chest tightness, feeling like your heart is going to beat out of your chest
Respiratory: Shortness of breath, feeling like you can't get enough air, hyperventilation
Gastrointestinal: Stomach butterflies, nausea, diarrhea, loss of appetite, or stress eating
Muscular: Tension headaches, tight shoulders and neck, jaw clenching, muscle aches
Neurological: Dizziness, lightheadedness, feeling disconnected from your body, tingling or numbness
Sleep-related: Difficulty falling asleep, waking up frequently, feeling tired despite sleeping
Emotional and Mental Signs
Excessive worry: Your mind constantly generates "what if" scenarios, often focusing on unlikely worst-case outcomes
Racing thoughts: Your brain feels like it's going a mile a minute, jumping from worry to worry without resolution
Difficulty concentrating: You can't focus on tasks because your mind is preoccupied with anxious thoughts
Feeling overwhelmed: Even simple decisions feel impossible because everything seems too much to handle
Irritability: You're snappier than usual because anxiety uses up your emotional resources
Feeling disconnected: You feel detached from yourself, your emotions, or your surroundings
Behavioral Patterns
Avoidance: You skip social events, avoid challenging situations, or procrastinate on important tasks because they trigger anxiety
Perfectionism: You spend excessive time on tasks, redo things multiple times, or avoid starting things because they might not be perfect
Seeking reassurance: You frequently ask others for validation or confirmation that everything is okay
Checking behaviors: You repeatedly check locks, your phone, your body for symptoms, or other things to try to feel safer
Restlessness: You have trouble sitting still, fidget constantly, or feel the need to stay busy
High Functioning Anxiety: When Anxiety Looks Like Success
Many people with anxiety appear to be doing well on the outside while struggling intensely on the inside. This is often called "high-functioning anxiety," and it can be particularly isolating because others may not recognize your struggle.
High-functioning anxiety might look like:
Being extremely organized and productive while feeling constantly overwhelmed internally
Achieving a lot professionally while never feeling good enough
Being the reliable friend everyone counts on while feeling burnt out and resentful
Appearing confident in social situations while experiencing intense internal worry about judgment
Having your life look perfect on social media while struggling with persistent anxiety
If this describes you, know that your struggle is real and valid, even if others can't see it. High-functioning anxiety often goes unrecognized and untreated, but it still deserves attention and care.
How to Deal with Anxiety: Working with Your Nervous System
The goal isn't to eliminate anxiety completely - some anxiety is normal and even helpful. The goal is to reduce anxiety to manageable levels and develop tools to work with it when it arises.
Understanding Your Nervous System
Fight-or-flight response: When your brain perceives danger, it activates your sympathetic nervous system, flooding your body with stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol. This is designed to help you escape physical danger, but it gets triggered by psychological threats too.
Nervous system regulation: Learning to activate your parasympathetic nervous system (the "rest and digest" response) can help calm anxiety. This happens through specific breathing techniques, movement, and other practices.
How to Stop Anxiety: Immediate Anxiety Relief Techniques
5-4-3-2-1 grounding: When anxiety hits, name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. This brings you back to the present moment.
Box breathing: Breathe in for 4 counts, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4. Repeat this pattern to activate your parasympathetic nervous system.
Progressive muscle relaxation: Tense and then relax each muscle group in your body, starting with your toes and working up to your head.
Cold water: Splash cold water on your face, hold ice cubes, or step outside in cold air. This activates your vagus nerve and can quickly calm anxiety.
Cognitive Strategies for Anxiety
Thought challenging: When you notice anxious thoughts, ask yourself: Is this thought realistic? What evidence do I have for and against this worry? What would I tell a friend having this thought?
Worry time: Set aside 15 minutes a day for worrying. When anxious thoughts come up outside this time, remind yourself to save them for worry time.
Probability estimation: When you catch yourself catastrophizing, honestly assess the actual probability of your feared outcome happening.
Acceptance: Sometimes the goal isn't to get rid of anxious thoughts but to notice them without being controlled by them. "I'm having the thought that something terrible will happen" rather than "Something terrible will happen."
Lifestyle Changes for Long-term Anxiety Management
Sleep hygiene: Aim for 7-9 hours of quality sleep. Create a bedtime routine, limit screens before bed, and keep your bedroom cool and dark.
Movement: Regular exercise is one of the most effective anxiety treatments. It doesn't have to be intense - walking, yoga, dancing, or any movement you enjoy can help.
Nutrition: Limit caffeine and alcohol, which can worsen anxiety. Eat regular meals to maintain stable blood sugar. Consider foods rich in magnesium, omega-3s, and complex carbohydrates.
Mindfulness and meditation: Regular mindfulness practice can help you develop a different relationship with your thoughts and emotions.
Social connection: Isolation worsens anxiety. Prioritize relationships with people who make you feel safe and understood.
Building Your Support System
Therapy: Working with a therapist who specializes in anxiety can help you understand your specific triggers and develop personalized coping strategies. Approaches like CBT, DBT, EMDR, and somatic therapy can all be helpful for different people.
Support groups: Connecting with others who understand anxiety can be incredibly validating and helpful.
Trusted friends and family: Having people you can talk to openly about your anxiety reduces isolation and shame.
Professional medical support: Sometimes medication can be helpful, especially for severe anxiety. This doesn't mean you've failed - it means you're using all available tools to feel better.
Anxiety Treatment: When to Seek Professional Help
While self-help strategies can be incredibly valuable, anxiety sometimes requires professional support. Consider reaching out if:
Your anxiety interferes with work, relationships, or daily activities
You're avoiding important situations because of anxiety
You're having panic attacks
You're using alcohol, substances, or other behaviors to cope with anxiety
You're having thoughts of self-harm or suicide
You've tried self-help strategies but aren't seeing improvement
Your anxiety is getting worse over time
Remember: seeking help is a sign of strength and self-awareness, not weakness.
Anxiety and Relationships: How Anxiety Affects Connection
Anxiety doesn't just affect you - it impacts your relationships too. Understanding these patterns can help you communicate your needs and maintain healthy connections.
Need for reassurance: You might frequently seek confirmation from partners, friends, or family that everything is okay, the relationship is secure, or you haven't done something wrong.
Overthinking interactions: You might replay conversations obsessively, looking for signs of rejection or disappointment.
Avoidance or clinginess: Anxiety might make you pull away from people to avoid potential rejection, or become overly dependent on others for emotional regulation.
Conflict anxiety: You might avoid necessary conversations or become extremely distressed by any hint of disagreement.
Social anxiety: You might feel exhausted after social interactions or avoid them altogether, which can impact your ability to maintain friendships and connections.
If anxiety is affecting your relationships, consider:
Communicating openly about your anxiety with trusted people
Setting boundaries around reassurance-seeking
Working on developing internal resources for emotional regulation
Seeking couples therapy if anxiety is significantly impacting your romantic relationship
Living with Anxiety: It Gets Better
Here's what I want you to know: anxiety might always be part of your life, but it doesn't have to control your life. With understanding, tools, and support, you can learn to manage anxiety in ways that allow you to live fully.
Recovery isn't about never feeling anxious again - it's about:
Understanding your anxiety triggers and patterns
Having effective tools to manage anxiety when it arises
Feeling confident in your ability to handle difficult emotions
Not letting anxiety make major life decisions for you
Developing a compassionate relationship with yourself
Building a life that feels meaningful and fulfilling despite occasional anxiety
The goal isn't to eliminate all worry or discomfort - that's not realistic or even healthy. The goal is to reduce anxiety to manageable levels and develop the skills to navigate life's uncertainties without being overwhelmed by them.
You are not your anxiety. You are a whole, valuable person who happens to struggle with anxiety sometimes. With the right support and tools, you can learn to work with your nervous system rather than against it, and create a life that feels peaceful and fulfilling.
Healing is possible. Peace is possible. And you deserve both.
š© Feeling overwhelmed by anxiety and ready to develop practical tools for feeling calmer and more grounded? Let's work together to understand your specific anxiety patterns and build personalized strategies for managing worry, regulating your nervous system, and reclaiming your peace of mind. Book your free consultation here
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I'm Rae Francis, and I understand what it's like when your mind won't stop racing and your body feels constantly on edge. As a therapist specializing in anxiety disorders and nervous system regulation, I've spent over 16 years helping individuals understand their anxiety, develop effective coping strategies, and reclaim their sense of calm. I believe that anxiety isn't a personal failing - it's a nervous system response that can be understood and managed with the right tools and support. Using evidence-based approaches combined with deep compassion for the human experience, I help people move from being controlled by their anxiety to feeling empowered in their ability to manage it. Because you deserve to feel peace in your own body and confidence in your ability to handle whatever life brings. Learn more about working together.
