Why One-Size-Fits-All Therapy Doesn't Work (And How to Find What Does)
I had a client once tell me, "I tried therapy before, but it didn't work for me." When I asked her more about it, she described sitting in a chair across from a therapist who barely spoke, waiting for some magical insight to strike while she filled the silence with whatever came to mind.
"I felt like I was doing it wrong the whole time," she said. "Like there was some secret therapy language I was supposed to speak, but nobody gave me the manual."
This breaks my heart because it's not that therapy didn't work for her - it's that she encountered an approach that wasn't designed for how her brain actually processes information and connection.
Here's what I wish someone had told her then: There's no "wrong" way to do therapy. There are only approaches that do or don't match how your unique brain works.
The Myth of Universal Mental Health Solutions
We've been sold this idea that good therapy follows a specific formula. Sit in a chair, talk about your feelings, work through your past, and voilĆ - mental wellness achieved. But anyone who's been in therapy (or tried to find a therapist) knows it's not that simple.
Some people need to move their bodies while they talk. Others think better when they're drawing or writing. Some clients need very direct feedback and concrete strategies, while others need space to process and discover insights on their own. Some people connect through storytelling, others through analyzing patterns, and still others through exploring emotions in the moment.
None of these preferences make you difficult or resistant or "bad at therapy." They make you human.
Yet somehow, we've created a mental health system that often expects you to adapt to the therapy rather than the therapy adapting to you. It's like trying to force a left-handed person to write with their right hand and then wondering why their handwriting looks messy.
Your Neurodivergent Brain Has a User Manual (And It's Not the Same as Everyone Else's)
After 16 years of practicing therapy, I've learned that the most transformative work happens when we stop trying to fit people into predetermined boxes and start working with how their brains actually function.
Think about it: You probably already know some things about how you process information best.
Maybe you're someone who needs to understand the "why" behind everything before you can move forward. Or maybe you're someone who learns by doing first and understanding later. Perhaps you think in stories and metaphors, or maybe you prefer data and concrete examples.
Maybe you're highly sensitive to other people's emotions and need approaches that account for that. Or maybe you're more analytical and need therapy that respects your need to think through problems logically.
Maybe you have ADHD and need therapy that works with your brain's need for variety and engagement. Or maybe you're autistic and need approaches that honor your need for predictability and clear communication.
Maybe you've experienced trauma and need therapy that understands how trauma affects your nervous system. Or maybe you're dealing with anxiety that shows up as perfectionism, and you need approaches that don't accidentally feed into those patterns.
All of these differences matter. And they should inform how your therapy is structured, not be treated as obstacles to overcome.
The Problem with Cookie-Cutter Mental Health Care
The traditional mental health system often operates from what I call the "should" mentality:
You should be able to sit still for 50 minutes
You should want to talk about your childhood
You should feel comfortable with silence
You should be ready to process emotions directly
You should respond to certain techniques
But what if instead of "should," we asked "what works?"
What if instead of expecting you to fit into therapy, we designed therapy to fit you?
This isn't about making therapy "easier" or avoiding difficult work. It's about recognizing that people have different learning styles, different nervous systems, different cultural backgrounds, and different life experiences - and all of these factors influence what therapeutic approaches will be most effective.
What Personalized Mental Health Actually Looks Like
Personalized mental health care starts with understanding that you're the expert on your own experience, and any therapeutic approach should honor that expertise.
Here's what this might look like in practice:
Understanding Your Processing Style
Some people are external processors - they think out loud and discover what they believe by talking through ideas. Others are internal processors - they need time and space to think before they share.
External processors might benefit from therapies that involve lots of dialogue, brainstorming, or even movement while talking. Internal processors might prefer approaches that include journaling, reflection exercises, or therapists who are comfortable with thoughtful pauses.
Neither is better or worse. But the therapy needs to match the style.
Working with Your Nervous System
If you have a highly sensitive nervous system, approaches that are too intense or confrontational might actually be counterproductive. You might need therapy that includes nervous system regulation techniques, slower pacing, or attention to the physical environment.
Honoring Neurodivergent Processing Styles
Neurodivergent brains - including ADHD, autistic, highly sensitive, and other neurotypes - aren't broken versions of neurotypical brains. They're different operating systems that process information, emotions, and relationships in their own valid ways.
If you're neurodivergent, you've probably spent years being told your natural way of thinking, feeling, or behaving is "wrong." Maybe you've been told you're too sensitive, too intense, too scattered, too focused, too much, or not enough. Maybe you've learned to mask your authentic self to fit into spaces that weren't designed for your brain.
Truly personalized therapy recognizes that neurodivergent traits aren't symptoms to eliminate - they're features of how your brain works. The goal isn't to make you act neurotypical; it's to help you thrive as your authentic neurodivergent self.
This might mean therapy that includes movement if you have ADHD, clear structure and predictability if you're autistic, gentle pacing if you're highly sensitive, or approaches that honor your unique sensory needs. It means finding a therapist who sees your stimming, your special interests, your need for routine, or your emotional intensity as valid parts of who you are.
Your neurodivergent brain deserves therapy that works with its beautiful complexity, not against it.
Honoring Your Cultural Context
Your cultural background, family dynamics, spiritual beliefs, and life experiences all influence how you understand mental health and what approaches feel safe and authentic to you.
Personalized therapy acknowledges these factors rather than assuming everyone should fit into a Western, individualistic model of mental health.
Matching Techniques to Your Goals
Are you someone who needs concrete strategies you can implement right away? Or do you need to understand the deeper patterns before you can make changes?
Do you learn better through insight and understanding, or through behavior change and action? Do you need to process emotions directly, or do you access feelings more easily through creative expression or physical movement?
Different goals and different learning styles call for different therapeutic approaches.
The "Work with Your Brain, Not Against It" Philosophy
I've built my practice around what I call working with your brain, not against it. This means:
Instead of asking you to change how you naturally process information, we use your natural strengths as the foundation for growth.
Instead of pathologizing traits that are simply differences, we explore how those traits can be assets and how to create environments where you can thrive.
Instead of imposing external timelines or expectations, we move at the pace that feels sustainable for your nervous system and life circumstances.
Instead of using the same techniques with everyone, we experiment with different approaches until we find what resonates with how your brain works.
This doesn't mean avoiding difficult conversations or staying in your comfort zone. It means approaching growth and healing in ways that feel authentic and sustainable for you specifically.
Red Flags: When Therapy Isn't Personalized
You might be in a one-size-fits-all therapeutic approach if:
Your therapist seems frustrated when you don't respond to techniques that "usually work"
You're told your preferences about therapy are "resistance" rather than valuable information
Your therapist dismisses neurodivergent traits as 'symptoms to fix' rather than differences to understand
You feel like you're failing at therapy rather than the therapy failing to meet your needs
Your therapist dismisses concerns about approaches that don't feel right for you
You're expected to fit into a predetermined treatment plan rather than collaborating on goals
Your therapist doesn't seem curious about what works best for your brain and nervous system
Good therapy should feel like a collaboration where your input about what works and what doesn't is valued and incorporated.
How to Find Therapy That Works with Your Brain
Get Clear on Your Preferences
Before you even look for a therapist, spend some time thinking about:
How do you process information best? (talking it out, writing, moving, thinking quietly)
What environments help you feel safe and open?
Do you prefer direct feedback or more exploratory conversations?
How do you handle emotions best? (head-on, through creativity, with lots of support)
What communication style feels most natural to you?
Ask the Right Questions
When you're interviewing potential therapists, ask questions like:
"How do you adapt your approach for different clients?"
"What happens if a technique doesn't feel right for me?"
"How do you work with clients who have [ADHD/high sensitivity/trauma/etc.]?"
"Can you tell me about a time you modified your approach for a client's needs?"
Pay attention to whether they seem curious about your unique needs or whether they describe their approach as "what works for everyone."
Trust Your Experience
If something doesn't feel right, that's important information, not a character flaw. A good therapist will be curious about what's not working rather than defensive.
If you feel like you're constantly swimming upstream or working against your natural tendencies, that might be a sign the approach isn't a good fit.
Consider Different Modalities
There are so many different therapeutic approaches beyond traditional talk therapy:
EMDR for trauma processing
Somatic therapy for body-based healing
Art or music therapy for creative expression
Walk-and-talk therapy for movement-based processing
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) for emotion regulation skills
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) for values-based living
The goal isn't to find the "perfect" therapy - it's to find approaches that feel aligned with how your brain naturally works.
What Personalized Therapy Can Do (That Generic Approaches Can't)
When therapy is truly personalized to how your brain works:
You spend less time fighting against techniques that don't fit and more time actually making progress on what matters to you.
You feel understood as a whole person, not just a collection of symptoms to be managed.
You develop strategies that feel sustainable because they work with your natural tendencies rather than against them.
You learn to trust your own wisdom about what helps you feel better and what doesn't.
You can be authentically yourself in the therapeutic relationship, which creates deeper healing and more lasting change.
You develop a toolkit of approaches that you can continue using long after therapy ends because they're designed for how your brain actually functions.
The Future of Mental Health is Personal
We're moving away from the era of "here's what works for most people, so it should work for you too" and toward "let's figure out what works for your specific brain, nervous system, and life circumstances."
This shift matters because mental health isn't actually one-size-fits-all. Human brains are incredibly diverse, and that diversity should be celebrated and worked with, not treated as something to overcome.
When we honor how different brains work, therapy becomes more effective, more sustainable, and more humane.
Your Mental Health Journey Should Fit You
I want you to know that if you've tried therapy before and it didn't feel right, that doesn't mean therapy isn't for you. It might mean you haven't yet found the approach that matches how your brain works.
You deserve mental health care that honors your uniqueness, respects your natural processing style, and works with your strengths rather than against them.
You deserve to feel understood, not pathologized.
You deserve approaches that feel sustainable and authentic to who you are.
Your brain isn't broken if it doesn't respond to "standard" approaches. Your brain just has its own user manual, and the right therapeutic approach will honor that manual rather than trying to rewrite it.
The goal isn't to make you fit into therapy - it's to find therapy that fits you.
š© Ready to find mental health care that actually works with your brain? Creating therapeutic approaches that honor how you naturally process information, handle emotions, and navigate relationships requires understanding your unique needs, strengths, and goals. If you're tired of trying to fit into one-size-fits-all approaches, ready to work with a therapist who adapts to your brain rather than expecting you to adapt to their methods, or want to explore what personalized mental health care could look like for you, therapy can help you discover approaches that feel authentic and sustainable. Book your free therapy consultation to explore how we can design therapeutic work that honors how your brain actually functions.
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Rae Francis is a therapist and executive life coach who specializes in personalized mental health approaches that work with each person's unique brain and nervous system rather than against them. With over 16 years of experience, she understands that the most effective therapy happens when approaches are tailored to how individuals naturally process information, handle emotions, and navigate relationships. Through virtual therapy sessions, she helps clients discover what therapeutic approaches feel authentic and sustainable for their specific needs, develop strategies that honor their natural strengths and processing styles, and create mental health practices that work with their real lives and circumstances. Rae has particular expertise in working with highly sensitive people, neurodivergent individuals, and those who haven't found success with traditional therapeutic approaches. Whether you're seeking therapy that honors your ADHD brain, need approaches that work with high sensitivity, or want to find mental health care that respects your unique cultural background and life experiences, Rae provides personalized therapeutic approaches that celebrate neurodiversity and honor each person's individual path to wellness. Learn more about her personalized approach to mental health at Rae Francis Consulting.
